Monday, August 23, 2010

Its getting easier...

Today, we went to the doctor for our follow up to my miscarriage. It was ok. We talked about what is going on in the coming weeks/months and what I would have to do. The main thing is this, I had a natural miscarriage yesterday and they still have to test my blood to make sure my hcg levels go back to zero. I will have to go back every week or 2 weeks to have them draw blood. Fun. NOT! I hate needles, yes, I know I have tattoos but its different. The days have been easier, I know that I have been sad, but I don't cry all the time like I did when we first found out. I know that God has a plan for us and we just need to trust Him and believe that He knows what He is doing. We have found comfort in knowing that our little angel baby is in heaven with Grandma(his mom). Eventually, we will try again. For now, we are just trying to make sure that I am healthy and we will get to trying again eventually. The worst part! We can't make love until 6 weeks after my levels are at zero. (HELLO!! Chef??) I spoke with a friend last night, she miscarried mid-June...her levels are still at a 7!! Just could be us! 2 months later and still can't do anything! I guess we will have to wait it out.

I have found a great support on, they have a miscarriage/pregnancy loss board there. I am able to share some of my fears and sadness on that board. I am able to get support there when the chef is at work. It sucks that he is working 6 days a week right now, but I am SO grateful that I have that board and he has been able to be there for every major appointment. I know, I am afraid of needles, but I am 26! I don't need my husband to come hold my hand while I get blood drawn. Yes, its very nice when he is there, but not necessary if thats all that is going on. He has been my rock and I love him more and more everyday. This experience has brought us together.

I have been on break from school, I don't go back until next month. I am grateful that I have had this time off to be able to take time and not have to worry about what is going on with everything else. I just have to worry about work. And occassionally, laundry. LOL My last baking class, I had a really hard time with my teacher. I haven't had the desire to really bake anything since. Next quarter I am taking a class called the physiology of flavor. Maybe that will give me back my mojo. Or maybe its just that since everything happened right after my final in my baking class, I am having a hard time with getting back in the saddle even though I had a really REALLY hard time with that teacher. Or maybe since I haven't been able to get a full night's rest in a LONG time, I just don't have the energy. We got a prescription for me from my OB to try and help me fall asleep so maybe I can get on a schedule.

My other heartbreak today, my weight. I have been aware that I am not a skinny mini anymore, but I would like to actively try and lose weight. The chef and I really need to stop eating out all the damn time. I would LOVE to just cook at home and have a homemade meal every day. I just need to find easy (for now since I am still dealing with everything else) recipes that I can make for myself and the chef can have when he gets home. Any ideas? If anyone has ANY recipes (my chef included) PLEASE let me know! I would love to kick-start my cooking again. Even if its slowly.

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