ok. i wasnt feeling well yesterday. i dont know if its a combination of my birth control, the cheese the chef had me eat on sunday or what, but my stomach was feeling a bit nasty. or it could be that i havent been getting enough sleep. either way, i was supposed to go to class today and didnt. the chef lovingly suggested i stay at home and get some rest. i did. i have some crazy ass dreams sometimes! todays dream was: the chef and i were going to bake something and i had my hand mixer out and i was mixing it and talkin to him and when i looked down, it wasnt something to bake, it was taffy. i dont know how to make taffy at all or anything like that, but im pretty sure the ingredients we put in the bowl werent supposed to make taffy. and it was white one minute and then bright colors. i have socks the colors that this taffy was. weird. but then i wanted to flavor it because it didnt taste like anything. so i kept asking the chef and i was following him around and he would never give an answer. i think that was more significant than the whole taffy thing. the fact that i couldnt get something out of my chef as simple as how to flavor the taffy. like i said, i have weird dreams.
so, i woke up from that nap feeling rested, but with a headache and my neck hurting. i knew i should head down to the restaurant to bring my chef his bag but i was feeling seriously lazy. like, i had a major case of the fuck-its today. i mean, its almost 7pm and i still havent showered. when i left the house the two times, i put on a bra, put on jeans, socks, shoes, a sweatshirt, and a beanie. i have a bad case of the fuck-its. but, i figure its better to miss one day of school than try and tough it out still feeling a bit like shit, and then have to miss work tomorrow. for some reason, i think school is a bit more understanding than work on this one. especially since i work for a very small company and i have seen how they react to other people's illnesses.
another thing, my chef is reading my blog now. im not sure how i feel about this at all. i kinda use my blog to say how i really feel. i havent been posting much, but i dunno. maybe im being crazy because if i cant let him read how i really feel about certain things, then how would he ever really know the real me? i use this blog to vent about work, him, his job, school...everything...sometimes its cause i cant vent to him. he hears most of everything anyways.
and! now that he is reading it, haha, i can remind him of things. i stupidly asked him to celebrate valentine's day a week early since it falls on the one day we have together. stupid me. i didnt realize it falls on super bowl sunday. i dont pay attention to these things. now i feel super guilty about it. he usually watches the super bowl whether his team is playing or not. and i doubt he has anything planned. i know we havent had any money lately. it sucks. now im going to start crying. even though my week hasnt been going good and i feel bad about sunday. i dont think he even wants to celebrate it with me, he keeps forgetting. he told me today that he was going to laze away at least half of his next day off, which happens to be sunday....stupid me. im just going to stop reminding him. i also havent got a clue what to get for someone who has never gotten anything for valentines day....gah
-Jes the idiot