ugh, im dying...not really

i need to stop this! i am on break from school and i cant even bring myself to blog! wtf! my chef was suprised i hadnt blogged sooner. its cause i have been sick! it started with a sore throat the day before my last final. my cooking final. i thought it was nothing and maybe i had inhaled too much helium from the valentine's baloon my best friend gave me, but NO. i finished my final, ate my 1/2 of my final, and waiting with bated breath, and a sore throat. for my teacher to call my name, more like holler "Melissa" which isnt even my name. after what? 12 weeks? he couldnt remember my name. just call me "omelet girl" and im comin' a runnin'! lol. for my final, i made sauteed chicken breast, lemon caper aioli, mashed potatoes, and julienned carrots. i went into class with the sore throat feeling nervous as all hell. the night before, the chef and i had made it, without some of the ingredients but he said my face lit up so many times. so he pretty much gave us a little speil, and we all split up. the bitches in one kitchen and the cool kids in another (guess where i was! and if you said bitches, you are wrong!) i gathered all my ingredients except the chicken. i felt calm, my heart racing. i had a shitty whisk. my arm was tired. the teacher came by, says "you know, there is another whisk in the other kitchen" i felt like dying. i shoulda just brought my whisk from home! damn. (my whisk from home is a little cheapy cause we had to buy it just to practice my final! ha!) i felt like i was on chopped, and i was going to get the axe. i mean, what if i didnt pass? my mind was racing, but my hands were calm. i kept repeating what my chefboyfriend was saying the night before. i am so glad that about 20 mins into it, i checked my phone only to see a sweet text from him. i was a lot calmer after that. i had forgotten to check what the cooked temp of a chicken was so i had to ask another student (thanks brandon!). i had discussed presentation with my chef the night before but my hands were shaking. there was not just my teacher at the table, but our TA, and another teacher. OMG! i dropped off my plate. it looked awesome (and yes, i tasted my mashed potatoes and my aioli before dropping it off). the only think i wasnt 100% sure about was my carrots. i didnt practice those. i was given a sheet and told to go eat my plate across the hall. my food, it was GOOD! on the sheet, there was a question that asked "what grade do you think you deserve?" i had put a 90%. its a low A but, i didnt do as well on the carrots as i should/could have. the teacher *finally* called my name and critiqued my food (again, i felt like i was on chopped) just with one judge. you know, i know that we are our own worst critic. i had wanted to put maybe an 80%. but i was feeling ballsy. my teacher said that i was going to get a low A/high B on the final. he said that i could have done a better job on the carrots, they werent hot enough but he attributed that to the cut we had to do. he said my chicken, it wasnt seasoned properly, however, it was cooked perfectly. *thanks again brandon!* 2 days later, and a worse sore throat and aches and pains, i checked my grades, I GOT AN A! i was elated, but sick. now, almost a week later and 3 and a half days on the couch, i am starting to feel better. by starting, i mean: i am coughing up a lot of junk and its still hard to breathe, but i dont sound so much like a 70 year old smoker, more like a 40 year old one. i had to wait until very early friday morning to get my other grade, my math grade, which i wasnt too worried about, but it too, was an A! wth! i wasnt a good student by any means in high school and when i started college, i let the voices of my parents ring in my ears. they were telling me i wasnt a good student. that i barely passed high school. i didnt think i was going to make it. i had worse of encouragement in my ears on the day of my last final this quarter though. they were the words of someone who loves me, someone who has faith in me. i dont think he will ever doubt me, my chef that is. it wasnt easy to ask for his help, especially after him thinking i was just going to cut my finger off when practicing for my midterm. HA! the only cut i acquired that whole class was from a grater, and that was on a carrot! (a minute later, we were told to cut the carrots, not grate them). i am blessed to have people in my life that have faith in me, my chef, my sponsor and my best friend. i am getting to know my chef's family online (distance is a problem) and they offer words of encouragement too. i just want to start feeling better so i can get my kiss i have been wanting since i found out i have an A! it will be worth wait.
-Jes

I have been away!!

Ugh, this week was another from hell. All-in-all, I will be ok, and the chef will heal. For starters, last week started off normal. I worked my allotted 5 hour shift opening. I was going to the basement to get stuff to restock the fridge, and fell up the stairs. I had already had a bump on my arm that was causing problems, a tendon isnt right. I caught myself with my already injured arm. I called the chef bawling. We had a few errands to run after I got off work and he was trying to convince me that it is "ok" to go to the ER. He had been persistant in trying to persuade me in this for almost a week. I am stubborn, I dont like the hospital and I did NOT want to go. We wound up going at 7pm, about 12 hours from the phone call from me bawling. He won. Not saying that he really won anything, but...you get the idea. They told me I have de quervan's tendonitis. Whatever that is. They had to put me in a splint for a week. It was heavy, it was painful and whats more, I couldnt cook in class last week and I missed work because its not very sanitary to give bread or serve food or cook it for that matter with this thing that had to be covering my (immobile) thumb and part of my hand. It made it very hard to type, text, and drive. I havent worked in a week now. I have been going crazy in my apartment for a week. I took the stupid thing off today, and guess what?! THE BUMP IS STILL THERE! and I have a new symptom: stiffness. I was told to see a specialist, guess what? I have no insurance and no money. Kinda sucks when you arent working! GAH! However, the chef was very helpful and sweet, he has been making sure I am ok. He called probably 3 times last Tuesday to make sure I was ok after class. Sometimes, and I truly am starting to believe this, God has been testing the Chef and I. I dont think my birthday, my losing my job, christmas, car trouble, money trouble, school issues, etc were enough. God has to really, REALLY test our relationship and devotion to each other. Then, there was Valentine's Day. That was fun, NOT. While on facebook, I could just see everyone had a good day, a friend of mine is now engaged, my cousin got his wife diamond earrings, another friend of mine got a saphirre necklace. ok, I get it. I, on the other hand, got ditched by my best friend. But I sat around and watched Bride Wars and slept. I got to wake up next to my chef. He also made the effort to make it home by midnight and got me a stuffed dog, its name is Sweetpea according to it's tag. Its just a little hard to come to terms with the fact that some holidays, I will be alone. I thought I had a good support in my best friend (of 12 years) who would be there for me and hang out with me, but I guess not. I have hobbys, but it was kinda hard to do them with a splint going halfway up my arm. I am grateful that I got to spend the day with my chef today, it was quiet. We went to the mall and exchanged my shoes. We had lunch and dinner together. It was nice. I know he is hurting really badly from working all weekend and only having today off. He could have just slept all day and blew me off, but he realizes how much our time together means to me. When my boss tells me that I wont be working until Thursday at the earliest, he just tells me its ok, that I really need to heal. I know it breaks his heart when I cry, whether I am hurting physically or emotionally, but when he can be, he wipes my tears and holds me. Just like the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. When he did that, I knew I would fall in love with him. I was already starting to. Sometimes, I just need to remember the little daily things that he does to show me he loves me. Sometimes, I might sound like I am just ranting, but I really do learn from blogging. The chef doesnt need a holiday to show me he cares, he does that daily. And for that, I love him.

-Jes

procastination...

The other day, I think I mentioned having a bad case of the fuck-its. I did. Big time, for a couple of days. Now I am just plain bitchy and tired. Whoever came up with the idea of me working at 6:30am across town can suck it. On top of that, its snowing and won't stop. Sure, its gorgeous, but my poor cadillac can only do so much. Especially when the driver just wants to go back home and crawl into bed. Ha! Like I could really do that! So, here at work I sit, blogging on my blackberry watching it snow while I have my Business Math books in front of me. I am procrastinating. I am tired. Every 4 mins, I yawn and my eyes water. Pretty fun...NOT! These bitchy people come into the bakery, or drive up. Omg! This one was so pissy with me! I was trying to give her her change and she wasn't just rude, she snarled at me "just give me my bread". I mean, wow people! Its snoowing, its not that cold and I hope that lady steps in a sludge puddle and has a wet foot all day. Yep, I wish the crazy and annoying things on people. I don't like to wish accidents on people because of karma and all that but I like to dream of silly things to happen to people. Weird, I know. When my last boss fired me, I almost keyed his car. Not because he fired me, that's nothing. Just the cruel things he said to me to make me cry. Instead, the chef stopped going to that restaurant, as did his cooks out of loyalty to me. It might seem a little harsh considering my former boss made the comment that "dating this chef might be bad for business because now he drinks less and you are a recovering alcoholic" dude, really? Bite it. If you weren't such a dick the staff of his restaurant would go there, but they love me so they don't support your stupid ass. That is payback enough for me. I'm really getting good at this procrastinatng thing, but I should do the homework since I have class tomorrow!

Aquafresh!

I had to get new toothpaste a couple months ago, its normal. What isn't normal, is my chef likes to "caveman" my toothpaste tube. (In other words, he just squeezes it, the entire tube, even if I push it to the opening.) So, when I went to buy new toothpaste, I bought a different kind of bottle. He didn't say anything. But! Aquafresh came out with their Iso-Active line recently which is in an aresol can kinda thing. Another thing the chef couldn't crush with his man-hands. (Note: I never scolded him on this, just adjusted, he never knew until this morning.) He tried the Aquafresh this morning, and LOVED it! It might be out new toothpaste! I checked out their website, there is a coupon at the bottom of the page, for $1 off. Check it out!

(Please note, this is just my own review with the chef and we aren't paid for it, even though a friend gave me the product because she didn't like it, doesn't mean we won't buy it ourselves since we have tried it and like it)

winter weather advisory

i mean...COME ON!!! reallly? again? wasnt the 8 ft of snow and ice and shit that we got this winter enough?? it was raining this morning when i rode with the chef to work and drove my happy...hurting ass home. not my ass hurting, but my arm/wrist/hand. i dont know what the hell is wrong but it isnt pretty. last night, the chef was supposed to help me with laundry because of my arm pain. i started by throwing clothes into the hallway of my little apartment and he layed on the couch. i attempted for probably 3 mins to put the clothes in the laundry bag while the chef played with his blackberry...i got the detergent and stuck it in the laundry bag. chef still on the couch. i get the quarters for the washing machine. (they are on the end table right next to the couch/chef's head. i heft the bag on my shoulder with my good arm and go and start laundry. i come back upstairs, hes on the phone with his sous chef. OMFG! REALLY?! it hurt my feelings that he didnt make any effort whatsoever to help me when my f-in arm is hurting. i switched the laundry, thanks chef for just watchin me do it! and was messing around on the computer, he started snoring. i dont think i am being completely fair. tuesday nights he gets maybe 2 to 6 hours of sleep usually around 3-4. i know he is exhausted and he gets tired but he made no move whatsoever to attempt to help. i was up since 530am yesterday and didnt get to sleep until 130-145ish. i had to wait for the laundry and my arm was hurting and i didnt really want to sleep with it hurting. anyways, he was snoring on the couch looking cute and adorable to me. i woke him by kissing his cheek and tellin him to take off his pants and go to bed. he gets into the bedroom takes off his pants and is standing by the bed, very groggily he says "can i go pee? right there?" and points at the floor. (he doesnt remember this part but remembers an angel waking him to go to bed). i tell him no and steer him to the bathroom, he proceeds to pee with the door open and the light off. thankfully my broken toilet seat didnt decide to rebel and slam down and i had the hall light on. i have a feeling it might've ended VERY badly. today, he has called me a couple of times to make sure i am ok. he told me i need to go to the ER after work. the thing is, i hate the hospital. i especially hate going by myself. i went probably 5 months ago by myself and it was terrible. i had to have my lady parts looked at. i had to hitch a ride in the middle of the night because i was hurting and i thought something was wrong with my IUD. i had to take a cab home. it was terrible. usually my bestie can take me. she couldnt that night. the chef was at work, i was in serious pain. so i did what i had to. im not going to do it agian.

in other news, i watch Grey's Anatomy. i am a recent recruit for this show, i started watching it maybe 3 years ago when i found out my daughter watched it with my step mom on sundays. then i had an entire line-up on thursdays (im a recovering alcoholic, i have no life). i would start with ugly betty, which is now in its last season! i am soo bummed. then watch grey's anatomy and ER. now ER is off the air and ugly betty isnt on thursdays anymore. and being cancelled. i am pissed. back to grey's...i love that show. i think that Justin Chambers is fucking hot with his bad boy self. LOVE HIM! and of course, Eric Dane. i was a late comer to the show and wasnt around for the battle between mcdreamy and mcsteamy but i secretly root for mcsteamy, but he has been acting damn childish this season. i cry nearly every episode lately. i wanted little grey and mcsteamy to be together. i understand why she couldnt handle the grandparent thing. if i was in the same situation, i might have reacted the same way, i am only 25 and that is damn young to be a grandparent. but, i am not. my daughter is 6. i do cry and yell at the tv. i think that is why i had to stop seeing movies in the theater, last one i saw was bruno. that is NOT for the weak of stomach. my former boss paid for it so i didnt actually pay to see it. and i did laugh at the people who walked out. i have a sick sense of humor and everytime i bring it up, my bestie reminds me i "owe" her for that one :) i should let my wrist rest though, wish me luck on driving tomorrow! ha! the chef stepped outside to call me and bout wound up on his ass, if thats any indication of how it is outside and i havent heard one damn plow, just lots of sirens (not a good sign)
-Jes

amends...

ok. i still dont know why he didnt call. but i do know that i shouldnt have posted what i did earlier. i love him. he is definately a great man. btw, its a miracle i can type at all. i have this weird bump on my arm and it hurts like hell to move my wrist/thumb, and some of my fingers. which sucks cause i just got done having some sort of weird stomach flu.. anyways, its hard to lift anything so the chef has to carry the laundry downstairs for me and open sodas...he took me to Petrows. i have been there once before with my bestie but i ordered something that sounded really good. it was supposed to be this pot roast thing with gravy. it was roast beef sliced and super dry. i was hoping for a baked potato but they ran out. our server, he was...well...too nice. like kiss-ass nice. i am fond of people being nice just not kissing ass. so what if my man is sporting his work attire, that doesnt change the fact that he is a person. (i was sporting my awesome t-shirt the chef got me on monday) its a cheeseburger skull with crossbones. ok...it wont let me steal the pic and i havent taken a pic but its there, i got mine in grey...i dont know what they call it but its grey. anyways, after a terrible dinner and weird service the man took me to wal-greens to get me a wrist thing to sleep with and some icy-hot rolls. i am trying them out for the first time. i never was a fan of this kind of stuff. i am a fan of the thermacare heat wraps but! they dont make them for the spot i need them in. so, all in all, even though the last couple of days have been hard, my chef has been taking care of me. i know i shouldnt be so angry and all that but i need to let off some steam every once in awhile. i mean, i was born female! anyways, baby, if you are reading this, think of the blue october song i was singing to you in the car, and "i cant believe you picked meeee!" im sorry. i love you!

GRRRRRRRRRRRR i know

ok. sooooo!!! i am a little peeved. i dont know if i am hormonal or what, but i have been bitchy and possibly taking things the wrong way and probably not handling shit very well. first off, CHEF you hurt my feelings. i am not taking anymore of your promises. you can just shove them up the ass of your short-shit gm! (honey, i hope you dont read this at work and leave it up). that would be a very big no-no! i cant honestly blame everything on his GM, but right now, it sounds good. DO NOT promise to call me and then dont. unless you are dead or seriously injured, do what you promise. or at least TEXT to say you arent going to do it. GRRRRRRR!!! ok. the butt head is off. i DO love him, he just drives me up the fucking wall. we will get to that later.

lazy tuesday...

ok. i wasnt feeling well yesterday. i dont know if its a combination of my birth control, the cheese the chef had me eat on sunday or what, but my stomach was feeling a bit nasty. or it could be that i havent been getting enough sleep. either way, i was supposed to go to class today and didnt. the chef lovingly suggested i stay at home and get some rest. i did. i have some crazy ass dreams sometimes! todays dream was: the chef and i were going to bake something and i had my hand mixer out and i was mixing it and talkin to him and when i looked down, it wasnt something to bake, it was taffy. i dont know how to make taffy at all or anything like that, but im pretty sure the ingredients we put in the bowl werent supposed to make taffy. and it was white one minute and then bright colors. i have socks the colors that this taffy was. weird. but then i wanted to flavor it because it didnt taste like anything. so i kept asking the chef and i was following him around and he would never give an answer. i think that was more significant than the whole taffy thing. the fact that i couldnt get something out of my chef as simple as how to flavor the taffy. like i said, i have weird dreams.

so, i woke up from that nap feeling rested, but with a headache and my neck hurting. i knew i should head down to the restaurant to bring my chef his bag but i was feeling seriously lazy. like, i had a major case of the fuck-its today. i mean, its almost 7pm and i still havent showered. when i left the house the two times, i put on a bra, put on jeans, socks, shoes, a sweatshirt, and a beanie. i have a bad case of the fuck-its. but, i figure its better to miss one day of school than try and tough it out still feeling a bit like shit, and then have to miss work tomorrow. for some reason, i think school is a bit more understanding than work on this one. especially since i work for a very small company and i have seen how they react to other people's illnesses.

another thing, my chef is reading my blog now. im not sure how i feel about this at all. i kinda use my blog to say how i really feel. i havent been posting much, but i dunno. maybe im being crazy because if i cant let him read how i really feel about certain things, then how would he ever really know the real me? i use this blog to vent about work, him, his job, school...everything...sometimes its cause i cant vent to him. he hears most of everything anyways.

and! now that he is reading it, haha, i can remind him of things. i stupidly asked him to celebrate valentine's day a week early since it falls on the one day we have together. stupid me. i didnt realize it falls on super bowl sunday. i dont pay attention to these things. now i feel super guilty about it. he usually watches the super bowl whether his team is playing or not. and i doubt he has anything planned. i know we havent had any money lately. it sucks. now im going to start crying. even though my week hasnt been going good and i feel bad about sunday. i dont think he even wants to celebrate it with me, he keeps forgetting. he told me today that he was going to laze away at least half of his next day off, which happens to be sunday....stupid me. im just going to stop reminding him. i also havent got a clue what to get for someone who has never gotten anything for valentines day....gah

-Jes the idiot