I have been away!!

Ugh, this week was another from hell. All-in-all, I will be ok, and the chef will heal. For starters, last week started off normal. I worked my allotted 5 hour shift opening. I was going to the basement to get stuff to restock the fridge, and fell up the stairs. I had already had a bump on my arm that was causing problems, a tendon isnt right. I caught myself with my already injured arm. I called the chef bawling. We had a few errands to run after I got off work and he was trying to convince me that it is "ok" to go to the ER. He had been persistant in trying to persuade me in this for almost a week. I am stubborn, I dont like the hospital and I did NOT want to go. We wound up going at 7pm, about 12 hours from the phone call from me bawling. He won. Not saying that he really won anything, but...you get the idea. They told me I have de quervan's tendonitis. Whatever that is. They had to put me in a splint for a week. It was heavy, it was painful and whats more, I couldnt cook in class last week and I missed work because its not very sanitary to give bread or serve food or cook it for that matter with this thing that had to be covering my (immobile) thumb and part of my hand. It made it very hard to type, text, and drive. I havent worked in a week now. I have been going crazy in my apartment for a week. I took the stupid thing off today, and guess what?! THE BUMP IS STILL THERE! and I have a new symptom: stiffness. I was told to see a specialist, guess what? I have no insurance and no money. Kinda sucks when you arent working! GAH! However, the chef was very helpful and sweet, he has been making sure I am ok. He called probably 3 times last Tuesday to make sure I was ok after class. Sometimes, and I truly am starting to believe this, God has been testing the Chef and I. I dont think my birthday, my losing my job, christmas, car trouble, money trouble, school issues, etc were enough. God has to really, REALLY test our relationship and devotion to each other. Then, there was Valentine's Day. That was fun, NOT. While on facebook, I could just see everyone had a good day, a friend of mine is now engaged, my cousin got his wife diamond earrings, another friend of mine got a saphirre necklace. ok, I get it. I, on the other hand, got ditched by my best friend. But I sat around and watched Bride Wars and slept. I got to wake up next to my chef. He also made the effort to make it home by midnight and got me a stuffed dog, its name is Sweetpea according to it's tag. Its just a little hard to come to terms with the fact that some holidays, I will be alone. I thought I had a good support in my best friend (of 12 years) who would be there for me and hang out with me, but I guess not. I have hobbys, but it was kinda hard to do them with a splint going halfway up my arm. I am grateful that I got to spend the day with my chef today, it was quiet. We went to the mall and exchanged my shoes. We had lunch and dinner together. It was nice. I know he is hurting really badly from working all weekend and only having today off. He could have just slept all day and blew me off, but he realizes how much our time together means to me. When my boss tells me that I wont be working until Thursday at the earliest, he just tells me its ok, that I really need to heal. I know it breaks his heart when I cry, whether I am hurting physically or emotionally, but when he can be, he wipes my tears and holds me. Just like the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. When he did that, I knew I would fall in love with him. I was already starting to. Sometimes, I just need to remember the little daily things that he does to show me he loves me. Sometimes, I might sound like I am just ranting, but I really do learn from blogging. The chef doesnt need a holiday to show me he cares, he does that daily. And for that, I love him.

-Jes

mid-terms

I had a midterm yesterday in my culinary foundations class. I had practiced for this one. Only for the juilliene and batonet part. I cut up around an entire pound of carrots to do this. But he walked around to everyone and fingered my onions, complained my juilliened onions were uneven, I blame it on the fact that when I cut the onion in half it was crooked. He said "you get the idea" pawed thru my veggies a bit more said "good" and walked away. I think I passed? I have no idea. Its always hard to tell with this chef.
I had a dream last night that I saw my best friend that I met in middle school. I haven't seen here since a little bit after her wedding. She stopped wanting to hang out with me after awhile. I don't know if she figured out that I am an alcoholic before I did and that ruined years of friendship, but it hurt bad to know that I lost a friend. It still hurts. I miss her sometimes. Anyways. My dream. There was a guy who had taken her ring and was trying to propose to me with it. I was pregnant at the time and very flattered (I am NOT pregnant in real life, this is a dream). So he was proposing to me with my former best friend's engagement ring. I told him no because I love my chef. I then tried to get into a movie and couldn't and then saw my chef. He proposed to me and I said yes. I was pregnant with his child in my dream. I also had told the guy that I love my chef and he has my heart. That much is true. We have been talking about marriage quite a bit. He told me we need to get married in a church since I won't elope. I sat looking at him like he had lost his fucking marbles. I told him he obviously doesn't know me. He just assumed that I didn't want to elope I wanted a church wedding. I don't know what I want honestly. I just want to wear a dress and my hot purple heels. I don't know beyond that. Maybe once I get a ring it will become more clear to me. Oh! I can't wait for valentine's day. We are celebarating the sunday before because, well, obvious reasons. I told him I would rather celebrate earlier than after the fact otherwise I wouldn't feel as good on the day about the whole situation. Good luck trying to make heads or tails of my posts...