Lemons!

ok...so, i logged on today to check out some stuff, i was feeling a bit blue today, so i needed to get a pick-me-up from my other DCW blogs i read. i found out that i was nominated by Go Erin Go! for the "When life hands you lemons" blogging award! Thank you Erin! I am really honored!

so, the rules are pretty simple:

1. thank the giver of the award (done) and link to their blog (done)

2. share 5 things about myself

3. link 5 new recipients of the award and notify them

so here is my 5 things about me:

1. when i was in labor with my daughter (and had contractions about 3 mins apart), i drove myself to work, tried to work and then drove myself to the hospital. crazy, right? i was in false labor 2 days prior so i didnt think it was anything! ha!

2. my favorite disney movie is The Little Mermaid. i used to have it on vhs but i think i left it at my dad's when i moved out. i got a dvd copy for my 25th birthday, i was very excited!

3. speaking of vhs, i still own a (working) VCR, although, i dont think i have anymore vhs tapes, it just collects dust

4. i dont know my natural hair color year round, when i was younger (like 4 or 5) my hair was white blonde and whispy, then in my teen years (13 to 14) i had dirty blonde in the winter and strawberry blonde in the summer. i started dying my hair after that. i have been doing it for years so i *think* its dirty blonde. not for sure on that though!

5. i have a memory almost like a goldfish. i can never remember names at all! when my chef got my number, he was wearing his chef's jacket with his name on it, thats how i remembered it! (i dont think he knows this but he didnt remember my name either!)

my 5 recipients of this award are:

Chef's widow

Prose and Converse

Mini Memoirs of Mine

My Managed Chaos

Flesh and Bones

again, thanks Erin, its an honor!

I LOVE shopping!

did i ever mention i LOVE shopping? probably not. because i used to totally hate it. i hated going to stores, trying things on, going back and having to get different sizes myself, trying THOSE on, trying to tell myself that i DO look good. ALL BY MYSELF. I absolutely hated shopping. last july, my chef and i had been dating for only about a month, maybe it was august but we werent together that long, he told me one day that he wanted to take me shopping on the next sunday. i FREAKED! i didnt know him very well, we werent dating that long, i had no money, and i hated shopping! we spent the entire day looking at clothes, me taking pics on my cell phone and pic messaging them to him (and my best friends) and getting opinions that way. it was horrible. he bought me $150 worth of clothes that day. i know, whats the problem. the problem is, i have self-esteem issues. i have had 3 step sisters who hated me and never went shopping with me when i was a teenager and they all called me fat (behind my back AND to my face). i have a chest that is too large and i just feel like clothes dont fit right. usually shopping never made me feel any better unless i was buying a purse or shoes. this has all changed for me. last week, i was doing laundry and my washer "ate" a couple holes in one of the shirts my chef originally bought for me. i was really upset because its one of my favorite ones and i wear it to work. he just looks at me and says "its ok, we will go shopping on sunday" my heart races, and not from excitement, from terror. i have this issue about being taken care of, i dont like it. but the chef, well, he LOVES buying me things. he said "this time it will be better because we have been together longer, it wont be so ackward" ok. i gave in. this time, a little heart racing and by the time we were at the store and had picked out a few things, i was in the dressing room (i really hate them). i had almost everything too small. i have to yell for him to come and explain that i need to try on a specific shirt in a larger size. it gets handed to me. this is getting nice! i also had a pair of jeans to try on for him. he picked them out and they were on clearance. mind you, we arent at a dillards or anything. we are at Vanity. its a girly store. really girly. he stands out. hes wearing a harley t-shirt and jeans. all of the people who worked there, were super nice. we left there with the chef leaving $100 for the clothes he bought, but i didnt feel the dread i did before. i got some really hot stuff. we then went to old navy. i love that store. they have a lot of good staples. (i think some of their other stuff....well, i could do without). he tells me i have to buy this time. i hate doing that too. i have another thing, i feel like i dont quite deserve clothes. i dont buy them unless absolutely neccessary, if then. i got some awesome pants that i can wear to work. the chef has been trying to get me over my phobia of black. its quite funny now that i think about it. i always think that i look like a goth chick when i wear black. he thinks im fucking crazy. im trying, hes being patient. i love him for that. i never thought that this 6'4 man would ever do this with me. we spent a good portion of our sunday together shopping for clothes, for me. how many men would do that? how many men would actually tell you afterwards "we need to get you more clothes like that because they flatter your figure". how many guys actually think that way? i have dated many men, most of which, dont care about that as long as you are showing some leg or cleavage, or both. i know i found a rarity in my man, i love that we can do that. it probably doesnt hurt that we go to a nice restaurant later that day and im rockin my new jeans, a nice top, and hot heels...i also was showing some cleavage, but he focuses on my FACE. not whats below it.

one of these days, i WILL learn how to use proper capitalization and change paragraphs, until then, deal.

-Jes(DCW)

mid-terms

I had a midterm yesterday in my culinary foundations class. I had practiced for this one. Only for the juilliene and batonet part. I cut up around an entire pound of carrots to do this. But he walked around to everyone and fingered my onions, complained my juilliened onions were uneven, I blame it on the fact that when I cut the onion in half it was crooked. He said "you get the idea" pawed thru my veggies a bit more said "good" and walked away. I think I passed? I have no idea. Its always hard to tell with this chef.
I had a dream last night that I saw my best friend that I met in middle school. I haven't seen here since a little bit after her wedding. She stopped wanting to hang out with me after awhile. I don't know if she figured out that I am an alcoholic before I did and that ruined years of friendship, but it hurt bad to know that I lost a friend. It still hurts. I miss her sometimes. Anyways. My dream. There was a guy who had taken her ring and was trying to propose to me with it. I was pregnant at the time and very flattered (I am NOT pregnant in real life, this is a dream). So he was proposing to me with my former best friend's engagement ring. I told him no because I love my chef. I then tried to get into a movie and couldn't and then saw my chef. He proposed to me and I said yes. I was pregnant with his child in my dream. I also had told the guy that I love my chef and he has my heart. That much is true. We have been talking about marriage quite a bit. He told me we need to get married in a church since I won't elope. I sat looking at him like he had lost his fucking marbles. I told him he obviously doesn't know me. He just assumed that I didn't want to elope I wanted a church wedding. I don't know what I want honestly. I just want to wear a dress and my hot purple heels. I don't know beyond that. Maybe once I get a ring it will become more clear to me. Oh! I can't wait for valentine's day. We are celebarating the sunday before because, well, obvious reasons. I told him I would rather celebrate earlier than after the fact otherwise I wouldn't feel as good on the day about the whole situation. Good luck trying to make heads or tails of my posts...

days off..oh yea!

I love days off! Especially when I can spend them completely with my chef. Yesterday, we ran errands. A couple months ago, I introduced him to Runza. From what I understand, these are a Nebraska only thing. They have crinkle cut fries and I love their burgers. My chef, he eats Runzas. These are hard to explain but they are good. We did a lot of running around. We like to go to Flying Worm which is a vintage store. They have a great selection of dresses and even have little onsies that are tie-dyed for when we decide to have kids. I get called a hippy baker a lot even though I have only made cookies at christmas (from scratch) and a cake for my best friend's birthday (partially from a box). I guess a lot of it has to do with the way I dress sometimes and my newest tattoo. Oh well! Its better than nothing! So, anyways, we didn't buy anthing at Flying Worm yesterday but looked around a lot. It was crazy busy and I am not a huge fan of crowds. So then we went to Nebraska Furniture Mart. This is a little bit when things went south. My chef and I have terrible credit. We don't have patience to wait for things so saving up for something is hard for us. We (mostly he) have been wanting a new flat screen tv. I have a large tv that is ancient but it was free and kinda think that a) we don't need another bill and b) the other tv works just fine, why replace it? He doesn't listen very well at all. His sous chef met up with us and had his NFM card in hand ready to use (we just pay the bill). We got a 42 inch LCD HDTV. WE DON'T LIVE TOGETHER! Its crazy how much trust he has in me. I have been sober for over 3 years but sometimes I am still amazed and baffled. I think I just need to get used to it all. We spent (by we I mean I) 2 hours cleaning my disaster I call my living room, we had furniture to move and vacuum under, the works. All for this TV. We get done and he lays down to watch Iron Chef and ignore me. I mean, WTF! At least we had today off together. We went to a used bookstore and each got a book and then bought some records. We ate lunch at Hooters, my first time ever, it wasn't too bad. I just have a hard time with the sleaziness of the place. Then we hit up a couple more vintage shops and even an antique store. We found a lovely record player that we will be getting soon and some gas stoves that are to die for! I hope to dream of these stoves! School tomorrow and a long day for my chef. At least we had these past 2 days to start off our week.

Busy Sundays...

I have a mid-term coming up in a week from Tuesday. I feel like I am not completely ready for it. It is for my Culinary Foundations class. This class is a general cooking class, I will be using these skills (supposedly) for the rest of my culinary carreer. I think I will be purchasing a mandolin soon! I understand I need a lot of practice. I get frusterated and I can't seem to get past the part where I totally suck at this! My chef has been very patient with me, he took me to the store and we bought onions and potatos. Its very hard to go into the kitchen with him and have him teach me. I wound up breaking down and crying my eyes out. I can't believe that I am dating a chef and I could suck so bad. Oh well. I guess practice makes perfect. And I have a feeling I have a lot of practice in my future, and a lot of crying. And I am not talking about the onions.
There was something that happened yesterday that really made my day too! I received my check from my student loans. This has taken a huge weight off my shoulders and my chef's. We have been completely stressed about money and how we are going to pay bills. We have been "robbing Peter to pay Paul" for months now. Its pretty crazy since, he is an executive chef! We shouldn't be having money problems like this! But, he wanted me to have a great Christmas. He has been paying 2 households of bills. It has been frusterating for me. I want to be able to pay my own bills but I do know that school needs to be my concentration. My boyfriend doesn't care how much I make, just as long as I can pay some of the bills. The check couldn't have come at a better time. We have been trying to figure out how we were going to pay for my rent AND the Harley payment AND our car insurance AND my storage unit. Not only that, I have been getting notices from the cable company. I got a money order for my rent, put money on my prepaid visa for the insurance and my storage unit. We stopped and made most of the payment on the cable bill. It was hard to get the money and give most of it away. I feel better that we don't have to stress about bills but I feel sad too because I wanted to spend the money without worries. I can't do that. If I did that, I might as well go out and have a drink.
Something that reminded me of that is at my Oxford House meeting, someone was talking about a guy in one of the houses, he got $10,000 and didn't pay his back rent owed to his house. I was told that he is getting kicked out of his house. He chose to buy a new car instead of paying his rent. I guess it goes to show you that you need to live right and do the next best thing in everything you do. People are more understanding of people who make a larger effort to do what is right, you also earn more respect. My check was a 10th of what he got. I still made an effort, I would LOVE to get a laptop. But, if i didnt have a roof over my head or internet to use it with, whats the point? I thank God for those little reminders. I am doing what is right today and that is all I can do. I thought after today I was going to be done with Oxford House. I realized after hearing the story of the man who is getting kicked out, I need them as much as they need me, I just dont need to live in an Oxford House to reap the rewards.

A New Trend

so, i have been noticing a new trend lately, and im not talking about a good one either! if you have been keeping up with my blog, you should know i read Michael Rulhman's The Making of a Chef last quarter for a book report in school i did. if you have read the book you know what i am talking about when i discuss this. if you havent read it, i recommend it! its a great book and he is a great author. so, there is a part when michael is supposed to show up for a test and the chef that was giving the test was talking about values and how cooks just show up. so, here i am, going to school for culinary arts, it doesnt matter what my major is, but i apply the same value to my job. i always have. it doesnt matter whether i am working fast food or retail. i always try to show up. currently, i work at a bakery and i just work at the retail location and dont bake bread but i make sandwiches and serve soup and do dishes, i am a one man show. the owner pops in occassionally and helps out but i am pretty much on my own. so, yesterday, it was snowing, again, and it was a snowstorm. i opened the bakery and was there by myself until about 10:30 when the owner showed up. he was there for maybe 30 mins and left. my replacement, also a culinary student at the same school, was supposed to be there at 2 to relieve me so i could walk home. i live a little over 1/2 a mile from my job and dont always have a car so i walk frequently. i know that the snow was starting to blow around and it was getting pretty slick outside so i gave her about 30 mins to get there before i started to worry and call her. which she has an out of state number so i have to use my cell phone and my minutes to do this. no answer. i dont understand how someone in the same field doing the same job as me can just not show up or call. i called her again later. i also was calling the managers and texting them. i didnt get a response from the owner right away and called my chef to see what he said. he calmed me down because i was worried about walking home after it was dark. lately we have been having really cold temps here so i dont want to walk in a snowstorm. with our money problems, i havent had extra money to take a cab home. anyways, the girl never showed up. this isnt the first time she has been late with me. but last night, she no call/no showed. finally, at 7:30, after i worked open to close then walked home (it was almost 13 hour day) she called me. my phone was dead and i couldnt call her back right away. she told me she didnt know. how do you not know? how do you rely so much on other people to give you your schedule? i see this as a growing trend because there was another occassion with someone else where they were late because they set their alarm for pm instead of am. i am one of the oldest people working with the company, with the exception of the GM, the owner, and the bakers. is it because i am older and i value my job? i know the economy is bad so i really knew that once i got a job i cant mess it up because i really need it. are these kids not caring because they just ask their parents for help? i dont have that luxury. maybe i need this explained to me because i really wouldnt want these "kids" running the world with their work ethic. i sure wouldnt put up with it if i was an owner of a company. i had to get this off my chest because its renting space in my mind and i dont need that. its not paying rent, unless you count the extra money i made yesterday :)

Blizzards & Burritos

I keep trying to convince anyone who reads my blog that I am terrible at blogging. I admit it, I am busy and tired and when I am none of those things, I am usually with my chef. I don't remember if I had blogged yet saying he is moving in with me in *drum roll* less than 2 months! I am very excited. Now, I know that usually when he isn't with me he is busy as all hell but I just want the pleasure of waking up in the middle of the night and snuggling up to him, I would rather do this in my sleep but I have grown accustomed to having my bed to myself. For christmas, my chef got us blackberries. I don't know how to work it very well but I AM blogging from it right now. I happen to be at my job watching the snow fall and procrastinating doing my homework. The chef also got me a nook. Its kinda like a kindle or sony e-reader, if you go to www.nook.com it tells you a lot more about it. I don't have it yet so I don't know if its any good, the chef seriously put off buying christmas presents because he has been so busy, too busy if you ask me, and with me being without a job for so long we haven't had much money. But, our relationship has stayed intact. Its been rocky but I know that since this has been going on for over 2 months, the money issues, we can survive. It will just be nicer when we are better financially. I have been going to school and working so that has taken a toll on me. Back to christmas, there was a blizzard here in Nebraska, it started with rain 2 days before and by christmas eve, it was snowing good. I made it to and from work fine, I just walked over here. There was ice hanging off the trees from the rain and then freezing like that, it was beautiful! So by the time my chef got off work, it was a full blown blizzArd. I was baking cookies when I started getting texts from him sounding like he wasn't coming. By the time I was almost done baking to cookies, I was bawling. I haven't been able to spend christmas with my family in years or my daughter, the holidays are a bad time for me to be alone. My chef called, talked to me for maybe 5 mins and it still sounded like I would be spending christmas alone. About an hour later, I was on the phone with one of the few relatives that talks to me, unfortunately, they live in TX. My chef calls me and asks what I'm wearing? I had the most confused expression on my face but he told me to put on some boots and a hat and come outside to help him unload the car. I ran. I was running to him in the middle of a blizzard on christmas eve. He was my christmas present. Now I don't have any food in my house and the blizzard wasn't supposed to happen and my chef was supposed to get off work earlier, same story, different day. So all the grocery stores were closed. I called them. And burger king. Finally called the gas station down the street and they tell me they never close. We had gas station burritos for christmas dinner. It was our first christmas together. It makes for a great laugh and story but at the time and even a little now, it was scary. He was supposed to go out of town the day after so he drove home christmas night. He slid sideways down one of the main roads. They shut that street down after that. He attempted to leave town on the 26th and wound up in a ditch on the interstate. He is fine and the car is fine but terrifying to say the least. That's just a little update for now. A word of advice: burritos are NOT a very romantic food.