I LOVE shopping!

did i ever mention i LOVE shopping? probably not. because i used to totally hate it. i hated going to stores, trying things on, going back and having to get different sizes myself, trying THOSE on, trying to tell myself that i DO look good. ALL BY MYSELF. I absolutely hated shopping. last july, my chef and i had been dating for only about a month, maybe it was august but we werent together that long, he told me one day that he wanted to take me shopping on the next sunday. i FREAKED! i didnt know him very well, we werent dating that long, i had no money, and i hated shopping! we spent the entire day looking at clothes, me taking pics on my cell phone and pic messaging them to him (and my best friends) and getting opinions that way. it was horrible. he bought me $150 worth of clothes that day. i know, whats the problem. the problem is, i have self-esteem issues. i have had 3 step sisters who hated me and never went shopping with me when i was a teenager and they all called me fat (behind my back AND to my face). i have a chest that is too large and i just feel like clothes dont fit right. usually shopping never made me feel any better unless i was buying a purse or shoes. this has all changed for me. last week, i was doing laundry and my washer "ate" a couple holes in one of the shirts my chef originally bought for me. i was really upset because its one of my favorite ones and i wear it to work. he just looks at me and says "its ok, we will go shopping on sunday" my heart races, and not from excitement, from terror. i have this issue about being taken care of, i dont like it. but the chef, well, he LOVES buying me things. he said "this time it will be better because we have been together longer, it wont be so ackward" ok. i gave in. this time, a little heart racing and by the time we were at the store and had picked out a few things, i was in the dressing room (i really hate them). i had almost everything too small. i have to yell for him to come and explain that i need to try on a specific shirt in a larger size. it gets handed to me. this is getting nice! i also had a pair of jeans to try on for him. he picked them out and they were on clearance. mind you, we arent at a dillards or anything. we are at Vanity. its a girly store. really girly. he stands out. hes wearing a harley t-shirt and jeans. all of the people who worked there, were super nice. we left there with the chef leaving $100 for the clothes he bought, but i didnt feel the dread i did before. i got some really hot stuff. we then went to old navy. i love that store. they have a lot of good staples. (i think some of their other stuff....well, i could do without). he tells me i have to buy this time. i hate doing that too. i have another thing, i feel like i dont quite deserve clothes. i dont buy them unless absolutely neccessary, if then. i got some awesome pants that i can wear to work. the chef has been trying to get me over my phobia of black. its quite funny now that i think about it. i always think that i look like a goth chick when i wear black. he thinks im fucking crazy. im trying, hes being patient. i love him for that. i never thought that this 6'4 man would ever do this with me. we spent a good portion of our sunday together shopping for clothes, for me. how many men would do that? how many men would actually tell you afterwards "we need to get you more clothes like that because they flatter your figure". how many guys actually think that way? i have dated many men, most of which, dont care about that as long as you are showing some leg or cleavage, or both. i know i found a rarity in my man, i love that we can do that. it probably doesnt hurt that we go to a nice restaurant later that day and im rockin my new jeans, a nice top, and hot heels...i also was showing some cleavage, but he focuses on my FACE. not whats below it.

one of these days, i WILL learn how to use proper capitalization and change paragraphs, until then, deal.

-Jes(DCW)