bah humbug

i honestly dont mean to be a scrooge, but this past month has been hard. i wasnt working for an entire month and that was stressful. i finally got a job at a french bakery, i really like it. i only get minimum wage but i also make tips. its not nearly as stressful as my last job working as a server. yes, i get bread for customers, clean the store, make coffee/hot drinks, make the sandwiches, serve the customers, run the register, answer the phone, and do my own dishes but its not that much when you actually get it down. i also have a lot of down time so i can bring my homework with me. i am getting to know the regulars and can wear regular clothes. its soo nice. i get one free meal and can have bread too. i dont have to take the bus so i dont have to worry about me missing it and being late for work, not that it happened often with my last job, but the public transportation in omaha is TERRIBLE. i have only worked for 4 days there and i love it. im not nearly as stressed as i once was. once i get down the schedule, i think i will be fine. i have to get up at 5:30am to get ready to leave at 6:10am to walk to work, but i can adjust. i just need to learn how to not nap when i get home. there is only one person usually working there at a time so you have to run yourself. its not hard, just keep yourself in line. the goal is to get me running there smoothly and then go to the other location and learn the bread. im excited to embark on this new journey, however, before i started working all my chef and i could do is worry about bills. we still do. christmas isnt going to be much this year and im not a big fan of it anyways because i dont have my daughter or any family that is here to spend the holidays with. i get really depressed around this time of year and my losing my job didnt help. my chef has been working ungodly hours and we had a blizzard this week so he couldnt make it here. its almost midnight as i type and i have no idea if im going to get to spend my sunday with him and i really havent spent time with him since monday of last week. my financial problems have put a strain on our relationship so much that all we do is talk about how we are going to make it work. yes, my chef is helping me with my bills, we dont live together and we have only been dating less than 6 months (it will be 6 months on dec 22nd). he cares that much about me that he wants to help me with my bills. also, my best friend of 11 years was tested for cervical cancer. she doesnt have it, but the scare is pretty bad. she had wrist surgery and then had to have a biopsy on her cervix in the same week. i was there for her for both because i wasnt working yet but i didnt have anyone there for me when i was scared for her. i couldnt lean on her because i didnt want her to know how scared i was. i needed to be strong for her but i had nobody to be strong for me and that was hard. it still is, we only got the results this past tuesday. i hope things get easier, i pray for that every night.