I have been away!!

Ugh, this week was another from hell. All-in-all, I will be ok, and the chef will heal. For starters, last week started off normal. I worked my allotted 5 hour shift opening. I was going to the basement to get stuff to restock the fridge, and fell up the stairs. I had already had a bump on my arm that was causing problems, a tendon isnt right. I caught myself with my already injured arm. I called the chef bawling. We had a few errands to run after I got off work and he was trying to convince me that it is "ok" to go to the ER. He had been persistant in trying to persuade me in this for almost a week. I am stubborn, I dont like the hospital and I did NOT want to go. We wound up going at 7pm, about 12 hours from the phone call from me bawling. He won. Not saying that he really won anything, but...you get the idea. They told me I have de quervan's tendonitis. Whatever that is. They had to put me in a splint for a week. It was heavy, it was painful and whats more, I couldnt cook in class last week and I missed work because its not very sanitary to give bread or serve food or cook it for that matter with this thing that had to be covering my (immobile) thumb and part of my hand. It made it very hard to type, text, and drive. I havent worked in a week now. I have been going crazy in my apartment for a week. I took the stupid thing off today, and guess what?! THE BUMP IS STILL THERE! and I have a new symptom: stiffness. I was told to see a specialist, guess what? I have no insurance and no money. Kinda sucks when you arent working! GAH! However, the chef was very helpful and sweet, he has been making sure I am ok. He called probably 3 times last Tuesday to make sure I was ok after class. Sometimes, and I truly am starting to believe this, God has been testing the Chef and I. I dont think my birthday, my losing my job, christmas, car trouble, money trouble, school issues, etc were enough. God has to really, REALLY test our relationship and devotion to each other. Then, there was Valentine's Day. That was fun, NOT. While on facebook, I could just see everyone had a good day, a friend of mine is now engaged, my cousin got his wife diamond earrings, another friend of mine got a saphirre necklace. ok, I get it. I, on the other hand, got ditched by my best friend. But I sat around and watched Bride Wars and slept. I got to wake up next to my chef. He also made the effort to make it home by midnight and got me a stuffed dog, its name is Sweetpea according to it's tag. Its just a little hard to come to terms with the fact that some holidays, I will be alone. I thought I had a good support in my best friend (of 12 years) who would be there for me and hang out with me, but I guess not. I have hobbys, but it was kinda hard to do them with a splint going halfway up my arm. I am grateful that I got to spend the day with my chef today, it was quiet. We went to the mall and exchanged my shoes. We had lunch and dinner together. It was nice. I know he is hurting really badly from working all weekend and only having today off. He could have just slept all day and blew me off, but he realizes how much our time together means to me. When my boss tells me that I wont be working until Thursday at the earliest, he just tells me its ok, that I really need to heal. I know it breaks his heart when I cry, whether I am hurting physically or emotionally, but when he can be, he wipes my tears and holds me. Just like the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. When he did that, I knew I would fall in love with him. I was already starting to. Sometimes, I just need to remember the little daily things that he does to show me he loves me. Sometimes, I might sound like I am just ranting, but I really do learn from blogging. The chef doesnt need a holiday to show me he cares, he does that daily. And for that, I love him.

-Jes

I LOVE shopping!

did i ever mention i LOVE shopping? probably not. because i used to totally hate it. i hated going to stores, trying things on, going back and having to get different sizes myself, trying THOSE on, trying to tell myself that i DO look good. ALL BY MYSELF. I absolutely hated shopping. last july, my chef and i had been dating for only about a month, maybe it was august but we werent together that long, he told me one day that he wanted to take me shopping on the next sunday. i FREAKED! i didnt know him very well, we werent dating that long, i had no money, and i hated shopping! we spent the entire day looking at clothes, me taking pics on my cell phone and pic messaging them to him (and my best friends) and getting opinions that way. it was horrible. he bought me $150 worth of clothes that day. i know, whats the problem. the problem is, i have self-esteem issues. i have had 3 step sisters who hated me and never went shopping with me when i was a teenager and they all called me fat (behind my back AND to my face). i have a chest that is too large and i just feel like clothes dont fit right. usually shopping never made me feel any better unless i was buying a purse or shoes. this has all changed for me. last week, i was doing laundry and my washer "ate" a couple holes in one of the shirts my chef originally bought for me. i was really upset because its one of my favorite ones and i wear it to work. he just looks at me and says "its ok, we will go shopping on sunday" my heart races, and not from excitement, from terror. i have this issue about being taken care of, i dont like it. but the chef, well, he LOVES buying me things. he said "this time it will be better because we have been together longer, it wont be so ackward" ok. i gave in. this time, a little heart racing and by the time we were at the store and had picked out a few things, i was in the dressing room (i really hate them). i had almost everything too small. i have to yell for him to come and explain that i need to try on a specific shirt in a larger size. it gets handed to me. this is getting nice! i also had a pair of jeans to try on for him. he picked them out and they were on clearance. mind you, we arent at a dillards or anything. we are at Vanity. its a girly store. really girly. he stands out. hes wearing a harley t-shirt and jeans. all of the people who worked there, were super nice. we left there with the chef leaving $100 for the clothes he bought, but i didnt feel the dread i did before. i got some really hot stuff. we then went to old navy. i love that store. they have a lot of good staples. (i think some of their other stuff....well, i could do without). he tells me i have to buy this time. i hate doing that too. i have another thing, i feel like i dont quite deserve clothes. i dont buy them unless absolutely neccessary, if then. i got some awesome pants that i can wear to work. the chef has been trying to get me over my phobia of black. its quite funny now that i think about it. i always think that i look like a goth chick when i wear black. he thinks im fucking crazy. im trying, hes being patient. i love him for that. i never thought that this 6'4 man would ever do this with me. we spent a good portion of our sunday together shopping for clothes, for me. how many men would do that? how many men would actually tell you afterwards "we need to get you more clothes like that because they flatter your figure". how many guys actually think that way? i have dated many men, most of which, dont care about that as long as you are showing some leg or cleavage, or both. i know i found a rarity in my man, i love that we can do that. it probably doesnt hurt that we go to a nice restaurant later that day and im rockin my new jeans, a nice top, and hot heels...i also was showing some cleavage, but he focuses on my FACE. not whats below it.

one of these days, i WILL learn how to use proper capitalization and change paragraphs, until then, deal.

-Jes(DCW)